Moving Hands

Okay, I realize I’ve covered this topic in my blog a couple of times before. But, in my previous discussions of this topic, I’ve failed to note a key factor in my budding interest in music because, after all, this is the Internet. Who knows who reads this blog? But I’ve decided, fuck it. A hell of a lot of people will probably be able to relate to this post.

Now that I’ve dispensed with that: what helped me get into music? What made my reaction to music go from “Oh, that’s neat, but I’d rather go read instead,” to “Oh my god, I love this song!”?

Two words: Chemical assistance.

That’s all that I’m going to say.

Under the influence of certain substances, a lot of things happen to the human brain. Everyone is affected differently, but, in highly scientific terms, my experience is this:

• Time slows down a LOT, sometimes to the point where things look like bullet time in The Matrix.
• My eye perceives shifting colors as the most gorgeous and spectacular sight ever.
• My tongue perceives interesting combinations of food as worthy of five-star ratings in Zagat. (Full disclosure: I have been known to put hummus on my chocolate-chip cookies and to put peppermint schnapps in my coca-cola.)
• Ideas bloom in my brain and I gain the ability to draw things decently.
• Most pertinently to the present topic, my brain becomes spellbound by the deeply profound and wondrous experience of music.

You see, when I listen to music under the influence, I lose all sense of the boundaries that separate my personal self from the rest of the world. I become completely swept up in the music. The emotions that a specific song expresses become much, much stronger. An intense, moody song sweeps me up in dark eddies of emotion whereas a catchy song makes me want to lip-synch and rock out to the song even though I am never inclined to do something like that while sober. I never understood why hearing people attach so many emotions to music until I listened to it intoxicated. Then I understood. So, that’s reason number one that it helped me appreciate music more.

Another reason that getting intoxicated helped me to expand my musical taste is because I used to be totally shy about trusting my own musical taste – I didn’t think that I, as a deafie, could judge for myself what was and was not good music. After chilling out with music, including shitty music, a few times, I began to learn to trust my own taste in music. While intoxicated, the distinctions between “good” and “shit” blur. Sometimes I have listened to songs that sound unspeakably amazing and wonderful, then I go back and listen to them again sober and I’m embarrassed to admit that I ever listened to them. But, hey, it sounded great at the time, so who cares?

During a typical session, I tend to turn up the bass all the way and drag songs to a playlist that I name “Mt. Baker.” Then I stare at either the iTunes visualizer or a music video while I immerse myself in the music. There’s a stereotype that people gravitate towards specific types of music under the influence. For me, there is a grain of truth in that, but I listen to pretty much everything while under the influence. This is the kind of stuff that I would put on my Mt. Baker playlist:¹

Afrika Shox – Leftfield
Overcome – Tricky
Broken Drum (Boards of Canada remix) – Beck
Eternal Feedback (No Protection remix of Sly) – Massive Attack
War All the Time – Thursday
Dear God – XTC
Untrust Us – Crystal Castles
Roads (Roseland NYC Live version) – Portishead
Black Milk – Massive Attack
Stop Talking – Memory Tapes
Umhome – Miriam Makeba
Isobel – Bjork
Amaranth – Nightwish

So, yeah, that’s how I got into music. However, I would like to note that I continued to listen to music while sober. I realized that a lot of these songs were really quite good, even sober, and I enjoyed listening to them. Like I said, I used to think of music as something that was kind of cool but not my favorite thing in the world. I explored music a little bit in the past and the people in my life tried to introduce me to songs that had turned them on to music, but I never really understood the appeal of music until I began partaking in certain substances. Then something clicked.

Getting intoxicated was like a catalyst for my interest in music: the elements were already there, but they needed a “key” to activate the reaction. Had I remained straight-edge, perhaps I would have continued a slow journey of exploring my musical interests. Who knows? What I do know is that, for me, the process of finding a beat I could groove to was greatly accelerated by outside help.

1. Click on the song name for the Youtube video; click on the artist name for the last.fm artist bio. [↩]